How to Stop Manipulative Child Behavior -Examples, and Parenting Tips
A manipulative child can be a challenge to deal with for any parent.
These children are experts at getting what they want, and often use guilt, anger, or tears to get their way.
If you're concerned that your child may be manipulating you, it's important to learn how to spot the signs early on.
In this blog post, we will discuss manipulative child behaviors, as well as tips for dealing with them.
What Is a Manipulative Child?
The manipulative child uses emotional blackmail to get what they want from adults and peers.
They may guilt their parents into giving them what they want or use other manipulative tactics like tantrums and tears to get their way.
Manipulative children are often very charming and can be very persuasive.
However, these children often have difficulty empathizing with others and may use manipulation as a way to get what they want without considering the feelings of others.
At What Age are Kids Manipulative?
Manipulative behavior often begins at a very young age.
Preschoolers are particularly good at using emotional manipulation to get what they want from adults.
However, manipulative behavior can continue into the teen years and adulthood.
Is Manipulative Behavior Genetic?
Parents always want to know if their children will turn out like them.
And when it comes to personality traits, it can be hard to tell if they're simply a part of your child's temperament or if they're genetic.
There is no simple answer to this question.
While some research suggests that there may be a genetic component to manipulative behavior, other studies are not as conclusive.
It is also important to remember that genes are not the only factor that influences human behavior.
Environment, parenting, and Peers can all play a role in how a child turns out.
So, even if there is a genetic predisposition for manipulative behavior, it doesn't mean that your child is guaranteed to become a master manipulator.
With the right guidance and support, your child can learn to use their powers for good!
Reasons Your Child Manipulates You
Why does your child manipulate you?
They have learned that it works! If your child cries every time you leave the room and you give in and stay with them, they will quickly learn that this is an effective way to get what they want.
They may be trying to fill a need that isn't being met.
For example, children who don't feel loved or secure may manipulate their parents in an attempt to get the attention and love they crave.
Some children manipulate because they have learned that it is an effective way to get what they want from adults.
If your child sees that they can get a toy by crying, they will likely continue to use this tactic in the future.
What are the 5 Signs of a Manipulative Child Behavior?
There are several behaviors that parents can look for if they suspect their child is manipulating them.
Manipulative children often:
Try to control every situation and have difficulty sharing power with others.
For example, they may always want to be the leader in games or be the one to make decisions.
Use emotional blackmail to get what they want.
This includes guilt-tripping, angry outbursts, crying, or temper tantrums.
For example, they may guilt trip you by saying things like, "I'll never forgive you if you don't buy me that toy."
Are very charming and persuasive.
They may be able to talk their way out of trouble or convince adults to give them what they want.
For example, they may say they're sorry even when they don't mean it or tell you what they think you want to hear.
Have difficulty empathizing with others.
They may not consider how their actions will affect others and maybe dismissive of other people's feelings.
For example, they may take a toy from another child without considering how the other child will feel.
Setting parents or peers against each other
For example, they may tell their mom one thing and their dad another to get what they want from both.
What are the Consequences of Being Manipulative?
While manipulation can be effective for kids in getting what they want, it often comes at the expense of others.
Manipulative kids often have difficulty forming close, meaningful relationships because they're always trying to control the situation.
It can lead to resentment and conflict. If your child is always trying to get their own way, they may have a hard time when they encounter someone who isn't willing to give in to their demands.
It often backfires in the long run. If your child is constantly manipulating you, they may not learn how to do things for themselves.
They may also have difficulty making friends because people will catch on to their manipulative behavior and may not want to be around them.
Why is Parenting a Manipulative Child so Difficult?
Raising children with manipulative tendencies can be incredibly challenging and frustrating.
On the one hand, you want to nurture and support your child, but on the other hand, you may feel like you're constantly being played with.
The parent may feel like they are constantly walking on eggshells around their child.
As a result, parenting a child with this challenging behavior can take a toll on your emotional, social life, and mental health.
Parents may find themselves feeling anxious and stressed, and may have difficulty maintaining relationships with friends and family.
However, it's important to remember that young children may not be manipulating you out of malice; rather, they're likely acting out of insecurity or a need for attention.
With patience, understanding, and love, you can help your child learn how to express themselves in healthier ways.
So let's look at some parenting tips for dealing with this behavior and strategies for empowering children to fulfill their needs and desires without manipulation.
Parenting Tips and Strategies - How to Deal with Your Manipulative Child
Recognise the manipulative Behaviors
The first step is to be able to identify when your child is acting manipulatively.
Some common manipulative behaviors in children include:
- throwing tantrums
- crying
- pouting
- sulking
- guilt trips
- persuasion
- charm
- threats
If you're not sure whether your child's behavior is manipulative, ask yourself if they're trying to control the situation or get something from you.
If the answer is yes, then it's likely that they're being manipulative.
Know your triggers and stay calm
If you find yourself getting emotional or angry when your child is manipulating you, it's important to take a step back and understand what's triggering your reaction.
Do you feel guilty?
Are you afraid of saying no?
Once you know your triggers, you can start to work on them so that you can respond to your child with more self-control.
For example, ask yourself, why are you feeling guilty? Is your child's request out of your budget?
What can you do to help your child understand or are there other alternatives?
Define yourself and your parenting principles
It's important to have a clear understanding of who you are as a parent and what your parenting principles are.
This will help you to stay true to yourself and not give in to your child's demands, even when they're being manipulative.
Some questions you can ask yourself include:
- What desirable personality traits do I want my child to learn from me?
- What are my parenting values?
-What are my family values?
- What do I want my child to know about me?
- How can I be a role model for my child?
Be a good role model.
It's important to be aware of your own behavior, as your child is likely watching and learning from you.
If you find yourself frequently losing your temper or resorting to manipulative behavior, take a step back and try to model the acceptable behavior you want to see in your child.
By being a good role model, you can help your child learn good behavior and build a strong self-identity.
Here is an article that might help: How To Be A Good Role Model To Kids-Encouraging Positive Behaviour and Life Skills
Be assertive and Set Limits and clear rules
It's important to be assertive with your children and set clear expectations and boundaries.
This will help them to understand what is and isn't acceptable behavior. For example, you might say, "I'm happy to listen to what you have to say, but I don't want to be shouted at."
It's also important to be consistent with your expectations and follow through with consequences if they don't meet your standards.
For example, If you tell your child that they'll lose TV privileges if they don't clean up their toys, make sure you follow through.
This will help your child learn that their manipulative behavior won't work on you and that there are consequences for their actions.
If you give in to your child's manipulation sometimes, they'll learn that they can manipulate you into getting what they want.
Here is the article on How to Set Limits for Kids- 9 Tips for Behaviour Management
Encourage healthy emotional expression
Encourage children to express their emotions in healthy ways.
This means teaching them how to communicate their needs and feelings without resorting to their scheming ways.
Model healthy emotional expression for your child by being open and honest about your own emotions.
For example, you might say, "I'm feeling frustrated because I can't have what I want right now, but I'm going to save more and try again later."
This will help your child to understand that it's okay to feel emotions and rejections and that there are healthy ways to overcome them.
Here is an article with practical preschool activities: How to Teach Kids About Feelings and Emotions
Respond, don't react
Avoid the power struggle at all costs.
Walk away if you know you are getting caught in their skillful tactics and know that you are not going to achieve anything in that moment.
Only respond when are feeling calm and in control.
The key is to remain firm and consistent in your response.
For example, if your child is throwing a tantrum, you might say calmly, "I can see that you're upset, but I'm not going to give in to your demands."
If your child is being Charming, you might say, "I appreciate that you're trying to persuade me, but my answer is still no."
It's also important to avoid giving in to your child's demands, even if it means that they'll continue with their emotional outbursts.
Giving in will only reinforce their disrespectful behavior.
Here is an article on: How to End Power Struggle With Your Pre-Schooler- Why It Happens and How to Stop It!
Be aware of what you're saying.
A manipulative child will often try to twist your words to their advantage.
For example, if you say, "I'm not going to buy you a candy bar," they might respond with, "You're the worst parent ever!"
In this case, it's important to be aware of what you're saying and how your child is interpreting it.
If possible, avoid making statements that can be easily twisted.
Instead, focus on explaining your reasoning in a calm and understanding way. For example, "I know you're disappointed that we don't have any candy bars, but we have to remember that you promised the dentist to look after your teeth."
Try to stay one step ahead.
If you know what your child is going to try to do, you'll be less likely to fall for it.
For example, if you know your child is going to try to get out of doing their homework by saying they're too tired, have a backup plan ready.
You could say, "I know you're tired, but let's try to do some homework for 15 minutes, and then we can take a break."
If your child still doesn't want to do their homework, you can then offer them realistic rewards like, "If you do your homework quickly, you might still be able to catch your favorite show." This might motivate them to work quickly or risk missing the show.
Understand your child's Perspective
If you can understand why your child is manipulating you, it will be easier to find a way to stop the behavior.
If your child is feeling powerless or hopeless, provide them with support and understanding.
Let them know that you're there for them and that you'll help them through whatever they're going through.
If your child has seen manipulative behavior modeled by young people around them, talk to them about this bad habit.
Explain that it's not an acceptable way to behave and offer alternatives.
And if your child is manipulating you because they think it's the only way to get what they want, explain that there is a more appropriate way to communicate their needs.
Teach your child about healthy communication
Teaching healthy communication skills can make a world of difference. By learning how to express themselves emphatically, children can learn to resolve conflicts without resorting to manipulation.
One way to do this is by teaching social interaction skills to your child yourself.
Explain to your child what you are doing and why it is important.
For example, you might say something like, "I'm sharing my feelings with you because I want you to know how I'm feeling. I hope you'll do the same with me."
You can also encourage your child to use "I" statements when communicating.
For example, instead of saying "You're so mean!" they could say "I'm feeling really angry right now."
It's important to be consistent in your expectations for communication.
If you allow your child to manipulate you sometimes, they will likely continue to do so.
But if you consistently require them to use healthy communication skills, they will eventually learn to do so as well.
Offer choices.
Giving your child choices can help them feel like they have some control over the situation without resorting to manipulation.
For example, if your child is causing a scene over a toy while shopping, you could say, " You can either stop this behavior and we can continue grocery shopping together or you can go outside with daddy."
The choices offered ensures that the child will not get their way.
However, giving the power of making a decision helps your child feel acknowledged vs ignored.
This will also help your child feel like they have some control over their lives and will reduce their need to manipulate those around them.
Provide positive attention
It's important to provide your child with plenty of positive attention.
This includes verbal praise, physical affection, and quality time.
When your child feels loved and valued, they'll be less likely to seek out attention by acting out or manipulating those around them.
Ignore attention-seeking behavior.
One of the most common reasons a child manipulates their parents is because they're seeking attention.
If you find that your child is acting out for attention, try to ignore the behavior.
This doesn't mean you should ignore your child, but rather that you shouldn't give them the attention they're seeking.
This means no yelling, no lecturing, and no threats.
For example, if your child is throwing a tantrum, don't try to reason with them or give them what they want.
Instead, wait for the tantrum to pass and then praise them for behaving calmly.
Praise your child when they act appropriately
It's also important to praise your child when they act appropriately.
This will help them understand that you approve of their behavior and will encourage them to continue behaving in a positive way.
For example, you might say, "I'm so proud of the way you handled that situation."
Or you might say, "Thank you for speaking to me in a calm voice."
Here is How to Praise Your Child The Right Way- 65 Examples
Spend More Quality Time Together
If your child is constantly displaying attention-seeking behavior like throwing temper tantrums, sulking, pouting, or throwing guilt trips to get what they want, it could be because they are feeling lonely, ignored, or unloved.
When children feel negative emotions, they often try to get your attention through negative behavior.
One way to combat this spend time with your child and build a deep and strong relationship.
Make sure to put away any distractions and give them your undivided attention when you're together.
You can also try doing some activities that make your child happy.
This will not only help your child feel loved, but it will also be a fun bonding experience for both of you.
Here is a helpful article with practical ideas for spending quality time with children for busy parents: What Happens When Parents Spend More Quality Time With Children
Stand united with your partner
It's important to stand united with your partner when it comes to parenting.
This means discussing your parenting philosophies, agreeing on rules and consequences, and being consistent in your parenting.
It's also important to support each other as parents so you can avoid getting burned out.
If you and your partner are not on the same page, your child will likely try to take advantage of the situation by playing one parent against the other.
For example, if one parent is more lenient than the other, the child may try to manipulate the lenient parent to get what they want.
To avoid this, make sure you and your partner are on the same page when it comes to parenting.
Refer to your partner with your child's request especially if they say "But mom said I can" or visa versa.
Seek professional help.
If you've tried all of the above strategies and your child's manipulative behavior continues, it might be time to seek help from a professional.
A therapist can work with you and your child to identify the root cause of the problem and come up with a plan to address it.
They can also teach you and your child how to better communicate with each other and how to manage difficult emotions.
If you think your child might benefit from seeing a therapist, talk to your pediatrician or another medical professional for a referral.
What Parents Should Never Do
Shaming the child
It's important to remember that shaming a child for their manipulative tactics will only make things worse.
Not only will it damage their self-esteem and hinder their ability to trust others, but it could also lead to more manipulative behavior in the future.
So what should parents do instead?
The best approach is to calmly explain why the child's behavior is unacceptable and help them to find a better way to express themselves. With patience and understanding, parents can help their children learn how to navigate the world respectfully.
Yelling or using a harsh tone
Yelling or using a harsh tone can damage the parent-child relationship.
This can make it difficult for the parent to effectively communicate with the child and can make it more difficult for the child to trust the parent in the future.
This can also hurt the child's mental health as it can lead to the child feeling anxious or stressed, and can even lead to future behavioral problems.
Instead of yelling or using a harsh tone, parents should try to remain calm and matter-of-fact when communicating with their children.
Conclusion
So, how do you deal with a manipulative child?
It can be tough, but some tried and true parenting tips can help.
First, it’s important to understand what behaviors might indicate your child is trying to manipulate you.
Some common signs include being demanding or excessively sweet; using guilt trips or threats; constantly changing their story or mood; or refusing to take no for an answer.
If you start seeing these red flags, stay calm and consistent in your response.
Try not to give in to the demands, and continue setting boundaries for your child.
It may also help to talk to other parents or experts about strategies they’ve found helpful.
What has worked well for you when dealing with a manipulative child?
